1-2,3-4,5-6,7-8,910.Over and over, fingers tapping into the pad of my thumb. 1-2,3-4,5-6,7-8,910.I can hear my own heartbeat, louder and louder as my breath catches and suddenly it's swimming, the world around me is swimming right in front of my own two eyes and where did that lump in my throat come from? 1-2,3-4,5-6,7-8,8-9 no that's … Continue reading Anxiety Attack in Real-Time.
Into the wild...ish. What does it really mean? It's the concept of heading out into the wild without wandering TOO far from society. It's leaping out of your comfort zone, but staying within arms reach (just in case). It's exploring the world while respecting the boundaries of your own mental and physical limitations. In my … Continue reading Into The Irish Wild…ish
We're taught as kids to stay away from strangers. But I'm going to let you in on a little secret...strangers are the absolute best. Don't believe me? Example 1: Last year my sister and I met up for a brief 18 hours in London. I hadn't seen her in a while and I wasn't sure … Continue reading Kissing Stranger Danger Good-Bye
I genuinely prefer books to most people. When living breathing humans disappoint, I turned to my fictional friends. Always have and always will. My sisters will gleefully regale you of the time I sat on a hill in our backyard, in the pouring rain, reading a book. No doubt I was angry over something supremely … Continue reading Books or People: A Never-Ending Conflict
I'm terrible with names. I once had a roommate (who shall, ironically, remain anonymous) whose name I did not know how to properly pronounce until the day she moved out. I think it's the result of some weird hybrid combination of my truly horrific memory and terrible anxiety. I forget the name immediately following the … Continue reading I Think I’ve Found my Soulmate, But Unfortunately Have Forgotten His Name.
I've been staring at my ceiling since 02:47. Two-fucking-forty-seven. As always I awoke in a frenzy. Chest heaving, mind racing, desperately trying to grab a hold of my quickly fleeing dream before the memories float away completely. As always, it's too late and I remain alone in the dark with nothing but the leftover fear … Continue reading Sleepless in Switzerland
I have an alarming amount of highly specific playlists on Spotify. One for when I need a good cry but the tears refuse to appear naturally (Sia, Breathe Me), one for when I wake up feeling like complete and utter shit and just need to dance it out before work (Ruby Blue, Roisin Murphy), one … Continue reading You Are NOT Alone.
I don't date. (no, really...I've even deleted Tinder and everything) At the risk of permanently scarring both my parents, I much prefer casual dalliances over commitment and romance and love. There are less risks involved with the no-commitment route. I've been there, done that, *spoiler alert* commitment ended horrifically with me vowing to never again … Continue reading I Don’t Date(much to my Jewish mothers chagrin)
My first conscious feeling upon returning to awareness in a hospital bed post-suicide-attempt was shame.I remember this with extreme clarity. Here I was, covered in my own vomit, sweat soaked shirt sticking to my back, black sludge dripping out of my nose, chest shaking with barely concealed sobs, all alone. And the first words directed … Continue reading 900km Across Ireland – anxious adventures for Mental Health Ireland
Parents, parental figures and anyone who watched me grow up - I promise to keep it mostly PG-13. Girl Guides Honour. There's something to be said for replacing the memories of one with another. The thing is, after I was assaulted, the tiniest of things could trigger me. To this day I don't drink IPA's … Continue reading For the Love of Schnitzel and Self-Respect.