I’ve been staring at my ceiling since 02:47.
As always I awoke in a frenzy.
Chest heaving, mind racing, desperately trying to grab a hold of my quickly fleeing dream before the memories float away completely. As always, it’s too late and I remain alone in the dark with nothing but the leftover fear to keep me company.
So I stare at my ceiling. Angrily flail my legs about in a tantrum more befitting a three year old. Scream “FUCK” into my pillow repeatedly for a few long moments. Try to count sheep. Ultimately come to the realization that the Sandman will not be returning tonight and surrender to wakefulness.
I’ve tried everything. No caffeine, no screen, meditation, yoga, extra strength melatonin, dull history books on Canadian history (ridiculously boring and uneventful), white noise, physical exertion to the point of bodily collapse (if ya know what I mean) – nada. I can’t sleep a proper nights sleep to save my life.
Once upon a time I fell asleep to the rhythmic beating of a heart, steadily drumming away beneath my head. Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump. It would lull me into a state of mindlessness. Maybe I should invest in a stethoscope?
It’s meant to be such a simple task. Wash your face, brush your teeth, shut off the lights then tuck yourself in beneath the covers. Close your eyes, think of happy thoughts and BAM – you’re asleep. So why-oh-why do I struggle so?
Before me lies an entire weekend of SILENCE. I have an empty house and no plans meaning I am FREE to sleep my days away if my heart (and dodgy mind) so desire. And believe me when I say that I am absolutely, positively DESPERATE for a proper sleep. So dear internet, I turn to you. Give me your best tricks (specifically those for the especially anxious). What gets you to sleep? Hypothetically, if you were to wake up chest heaving, mind-racing, thoughts whirling all over the place – how would you lull yourself back into a (at least semi) restful sleep?
My sanity lies in your hands now internet.
Let’s see what you’ve got.