When I was 14 my anxiety told me to break my big toe. You see, I had a provincial track meet that weekend and my coach had signed me up to run the 200m. While I loved the 60/100m, I loathed the 200. I wasn't good at it - I never placed or qualified and … Continue reading Anxiety and Other Reasons I’m Not A Track-Star.
Guilt is my go-to feeling on days like today. Guilt for disappointing others Guilt for being weak enough to let my dodgy mind stop me from completing simple tasks (washing my massive mane of hair for example). Guilt for feeling sad when others have it much worst. Guilt for allowing the inner demons to take … Continue reading A Sunday Spent in Bed.
I'll admit it, I've stopped counting kilometres and days. I feel as though I've disappointed you dear readers, but the truth is, I just needed to shut off for a little bit. You see, I had some demons I needed to confront and well, it's hard to take a good look into your soul when … Continue reading The Final Stretch
1. You are not alone. Ignore the voice in your head desperately trying to convince you so. 2. It will get better. I know you do not believe me in this moment, but I swear to you, Girl Guides Honour, it will get better. Maybe not immediately, maybe not even in the very near future, … Continue reading 9 Things You Absolutely Need To Remember on World Mental Health Day.
September, 2011 Dearest Maysen, My darling, I'm not sure how terribly pleased you are to still be here, yet here you are - alive and awake and still existing. In this moment you're trying to decide which feeling is worst: the plastic tube stuck down your throat loaded with charcoal that keeps prompting you to … Continue reading Love Letter To A Post-Suicidal Me.
12345678 12345678 12345678 Heaving chest, racing heart, desperate gulps of air sucked in to anxious lungs through lips drawn tight. Trembling hands with fingernails embedded deeply in the palms, a last ditch attempt to regain some semblance of control over the situation but I can't breathe and how am I meant to calm myself when … Continue reading Anxiety in Real Time Take 2.
There's something about being beside the water that soothes my soul. One hour into walking along the Shannon River and my heart was beating a steady rhythm - thu-thump-thu-thump. I was alone on the trail, far from the roads and just so perfectly content. The morning started with a tad of anxiety. I woke up … Continue reading Day 22: 17.5km Along The Glorious Shannon River
Today was a dull day walking (the most exciting part was when I fell, twice, massive-head-of-hair-first, into blackberry bushes) where after nearly being squashed by a car I decided to skip the walk down the busy road and catch a ride into town. So instead of talking walking, let's talk Mental Health. You see, this … Continue reading Day 21: 15km And an Almost Squashed Hiker.
300km. To other hikers that may not seem so incredible. To the average person it probably seems like quite a distance. To me, it's astonishing. 300km is 1/3 of the total distance I have to walk and I sincerely am mildly shocked that I've already reached this distance. I mean, I knew approximately how long … Continue reading Day 20: 12km But Also 300km All In One Day.
Today was meant to be an easy 22km. I took my time in the morning, catching my breath when required, letting my body adjust to the cold, trusting Seamus to lead me to Toomevara. I've never been so betrayed in my life. After zigging and zagging across in inordinate amount of fields, Seamus the Rat … Continue reading Day 19: 26km instead of 22 Because The Ormond Way is Full of Shit.