Anxiety in Real Time Take 2.

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Heaving chest, racing heart, desperate gulps of air sucked in to anxious lungs through lips drawn tight.  Trembling hands with fingernails embedded deeply in the palms, a last ditch attempt to regain some semblance of control over the situation but I can’t breathe and how am I meant to calm myself when I can’t BREATHE?

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The numbers race before my eyes and I’m trying with all my might to match my breaths to my counting because I can’t stop this involuntary pattern running through my mind so might as well put it to good use but it’s not helping and I’m still gasping in silence through lips drawn tight and my chest is still heaving but dear god I’m in public and surrounded by strangers and the tears are just barely staying put and what little control I had over my mind is slowly waning and FUCK the need to be wrapped tightly in another’s arms, ANYONE’S ARMS, is absolutely overwhelming so I’ve wrapped an arm around my torso and am doing my best to convince my dodgy mind that it’s not my arm, it’s someone else, it’s Jen or Adam or Sam or my Mama and Papa and I’m trying, I really fucking am but fuck me, anxiety attacks that are triggered by something are infinitely worst than anxiety attacks that happen just because.

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And I know, I know this will pass but in this moment it is all-encompassing and all I want is to be with my loved ones and I’m having the BEST time hiking and I love Ireland but in this moment and for just a moment I desperately miss my people.

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This too shall pass and I am strong and I am smart and I am brave and I absolutely WILL survive this but just for this moment I am weak and shaking and need a hug and a hot chocolate and a friend.

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This too shall pass.

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